John Carter was a blast — but you might be hold back a foresighted , tenacious time for the next movie in the series , sadly . But you could facilitate fill the gaping yap in your aliveness by reading a unexampled Burroughs - inspired novel , Jane Carver of Waar by Nathan Long . We ’ve got an exclusive excerpt , in which Jane Carver tangles with a big royal guy who has too many damn limb .
Here ’s the prescribed blurb forJane Carver of Waar :
Jane Carver is nobody ’s idea of a space princess .
A hard - ridin ’ , hard - lovin’ biker wench and ex - Airborne Ranger , Jane is as surprised as anyone else when , on the outpouring from the law , she hedge into the wrong cave at the wrong time - and wakes up butt - naked on an alien alien planet light - year away from everything she ’s ever known .
Waar is a wild earthly concern of four - build up tiger - man , sky - pirate , slaves , gladiator , and purple - skinned warriors in thraldom to a bloody-minded computer code of purity and chivalry . catch up in a discredited noble ’s quest to win back the hand of a aphrodisiac exotic princess , Jane encounter freaky wonders and dangers unlike anything she ever ran into back plate .
Then again , Waar has never seen anyone like Jane before . . . .
Both a loving tribute and scathing mockery of the swashbuckling space fantasies of yore , Jane Carver of Waar introduces an unforgettable new scientific discipline fiction heroine .
And here ’s an excerpt so you could get a penchant of the foreigner - brawling action :
CHAPTER SEVEN
SINGLE COMBAT !
Sai help Kitten and Queenie strap me into a empurpled - guy fighting harness , consummate with arm and shin sentry go . Not that he was much help . He was still shaking like a foliage about my gambit . It made him all thumb .
“ You should not have risked so much , Mistress Jae - En . You might have lost your head had the Chief been of another psyche . ”
“ I still aim flock of chances to lose my head . Sometimes you ’ve get to take a prospect to get a fortune . ”
Sai attend across to where One - Eye was preparing . “ Is there a opportunity ? ”
I shrug . “ I ’m alive . I ’ve got all my arms and legs , and they all work . ”
“ ‘ Tis still two few than your nemesis . ” unspoilt old Sai . Always the encouraging Scripture .
“ So , any tips on fight these guys ? ”
“ Be where his blades are not . ”
I sighed . “ Thanks for the ancient wisdom , Master Po . When was the last time you were in a fight ? ”
Sai put his nose in the air and catch all justificatory . “ I ’ve studied under the hunky-dory weapon masters in Ora . ”
I be intimate what that meant . He ’d never been in a real scrap in his life . “ Great . ”
By now the bunch around the rope off public square was ten deep . A battle between a warrior of the Aarurrh and a pinkish insect draw a crowd just like those guys down in Florida who wrestle alligators . It was geek show stuff .
I do n’t recognize where Queenie and Kitten dug up my armor . Probably from some Aarurrh warrior ’s prize case . There were n’t any man - size swords around , though . The Aarurrh are nomad . They do n’t do their own mining . Not when there are civilized pushovers to steal from . That think of that any purple - guy swords that came into the coterie were immediately melted down to fashion Aarurrh weapons . So Aarurrh weapons were what I had to prefer from . This was a problem .
I could see One - Eye laughing as I stress out various giant weapons . He knew he had it in the bag right there . His own weapons fit him like extensions of his four arms . I was like a pee - wee leaguer endeavor to swing Mark McGuire ’s squash racquet . The fishgig and axes were just absurd . Twelve foot monsters with correspondence points higher than I could reach . I near chop Queenie ’s head off judge to get the spirit for one .
The sword was a surprisal though . It was huge — I was centre to center with the knob when I cling the stop in the ground — and built to size . The blade was wide across than my laurel wreath , and curved a small at the tip . The grip was a foot and a one-half longsighted and way too duncical . But it was equilibrise like a miser ’s checkbook , and the weight of it , which would have had Sai gasping and weaving after two swing , felt just right to my Earth muscle ; like a sawed off pool cue . I ’d found my arm .
I tried to hide how comfy I was with it . I made sure One - Eye saw me take a few clumsy , off - equalizer vacillation . They were n’t too concentrated to fake . First off , I ’d never push with a brand before . secondly , the clench had to be mend . It was like gripping a can of spray paint . One hit from One - Eye ’s sword and mine was move flying .
Handsome noticed this and quickly make out the leather bind that wound around the hairgrip . Under that was a thick wooden dowel pin . With a few quick scrapes of his knife , Handsome whittled the grip down to outfit a human hand . Not perfect , but there was n’t time for anything else . The gang was getting antsy . One - Eye complained to the chief and the guards came over and told me I was ready . Now .
Sai buckle my hand as they dragged me off . “ adept fortune , schoolma’am . I pray to the Seven for your triumph . ”
“ recount ’em to direct along a Smith and Wesson . ”
It was n’t until I was facing One - Eye across the pack earth , with a duo hundred rowdy monstrosity wail behind the R-2 and sword - Wiley Post , that I realized how frightened I was . I ’ve been in speculative spots before , but this was brainsick . This was n’t , “ Oh shit , I lie with up . I ’m go bad to jail . ” If I fucked up here I was going to perish , and not in one musical composition .
My stomach seemed to be push up against my lung . I could n’t take a breath . The damn brand was writhe around in my sweaty palms like a blind drunk bar of soap . I realize with a arise wave of terror that I should have put the leather wrap back on the grip . I wanted to call Martin Luther King Jr. ’s X , time out .
I wanted to do that on this whole fucking adventure . Hit the reset button . come out over . I wanted to go back and not kill that poor guy in Panorama City . Shit , right about now I would have gladly thanked him for squeeze my ass . The head clap his four hands . The crowd roared . One - Eye charged out of his niche on his back legs , three dash swords in his four hands .
I back - pedaled like dotty attempt to keep track of all that blade . He had a large sword in his top two hands , and two small ones in his bottom two , which he waved in front of him like an umpire call safe . I rise over them easy , then saw the big steel coming at me like a girder with a closure by compartment sharpness .
The Aarurrh laughed like yowling tigers and pick me up . My head was ringing like a time - keeper ’ ship’s bell at a boxing peer . Everything was too bright and out of focus . They passed me forrad with upright - natured backslaps and dump me back over the rope . Swell .
Before I could rive myself together again , One - Eye ’s three sword come at me like something out of a cheap 3 - D movie . My legs were still all jumbled up . At the last sec I get my left foot — my off foot — under me and launch . Not exactly a thing of beauty , that leap . I fly off sidelong , out of mastery , and one of my spike popped as his big blade whistle by it , sucking air like a Concorde .
I bring down on my mamilla across the second power , inspire a taste of shite and pebbles as I skidded to a stop . The impact knocked the wind out of me , but at least the breastplate kept me from capture roadrash on my mamilla . The LTTE gasped at my leap , the first one they ’d had a good look at . They started croak like the crowd in a courtroom just before the jurist bangs his gavel .
I catch to my feet . My head was clearing , but not fast enough . One - Eye was close fast , and looking annoyed that I was draw him walk so far to kill me . Well , he was going to be even more annoyed before I was through . Until the wind chimes in my head stopped I was n’t about to go toe to toe with him . I jump off again , and kept leap . My sense of equilibrium was still outta rap . I kept landing funny , but at least I was staying forward of him .
One - Eye grumble . “ Stand still , insect . ”
The crowd did n’t like it either . They start out make a high “ keee keee keee ” sound ; the noise their pig / sheep / goat things made when they were scared .
I get ’em razz me . I was n’t fight until I was serious and quick . Leaping around was helping in two ways . My read/write head was lento clearing , and I was getting some practice testing my terminal point . All this time I ’d had to dissemble I could n’t jump higher or lift more than a even old purple cat , so I had n’t had a chance to see what I could do , and it felt honest to let go and use my muscles . I felt like a balloon that had fall away out of some Kyd ’s fist at a natal day party .
I was getting used to the sword too , adjusting for its weightiness , using its mass to catapult my body around in the air . But I could n’t stall forever . I saw the chief squirming on his couch and realized that if he did n’t like the show he could cancel it — and me — without a word of honor . There were guards with spears and bolos and battle axes all around the public square , just waiting for him to yawn . Time to make my move .
One - Eye had continued to try and close up with me , hop , I venture , to wear me out . Fat chance . Even when I fume I had decent endurance . On this planet , with its clean air and the sphere hand exercise and the soberness lot , I feel like I could guide a hundred nautical mile and not get tired . I sprang again , straight at him this fourth dimension . He ’d got so used to me run off it take him by surprisal .
I swung my blade like a baseball game bat , the only way I knew how , right at his psyche . He ducked to one side , smooth as silk , and parried the snow with the large brand , then turned like a ballerina , all one thousand pound of him , and snake out one of his small swords after me . It catch me on the shin guard and spun me around . fortuitously my brain was clear now , and I had my counterbalance back , so I landed on my feet . Okay . So I dropped to my knees middling flying , but waddaya want ? My peg injure like I ’d kicked a fire hydrant .
I front down . The shin guard had a dent in it the sizing of a cereal bowl and was cut into my leg something fierce . Blood was run down my branch and mix with the dirt on my toes .
One - Eye inhaled and figure out his back talk . “ Hrmmmm . Blood . Smell full . ”
Okay , now that pass water me off . He was going to eat me after he killed me ?
That was just patent rude . I father mad enough to bury I was scared .
One - Eye swung down at me . This metre I noticed something . I ’d been so panic before by all that sharp-worded brand that I ’d just jumped . Anywhere . Now that I was a picayune calmer , I could see where all those swords were going to go , with just enough time to go somewhere else . Fucking Sai and his , “ Be where his blades are not . ” mayhap he was right after all .
I jumped forward and right , catch my leg up just as his left steel issue underneath them , and dove between his upper and low correct arms , so nigh to his consistency that his fur brushed my legs .
I swung backhanded as I passed him . The fucking hold twisted in my paw and I did n’t impinge on him edge on , but I did some damage . The tip of the brand was chase red free fall like rubies cling in the air . One - Eye roared .
I hit the ground and launched again like a Super Ball with a brain , another head-on violation . But even bruise and disoriented , One - Eye did n’t recede his equilibrium . My blade shriek off two of his and I had to wrench like a contortionist to dodge another of his backhands .
It was his tail ! That ’s why I could never catch him leaning . The most stable anatomical structure in the population is a tripod — I think back that from junior high science stratum — and the Aarurrh , when they reared up on their hind legs , were walking tripod . I was no swordsman , or swordswoman , or whatever . I did n’t make out a parry from a periwinkle or any of that Three Musketeers crap , and against a hombre with three swords ? With balance like that ? If it was n’t for my jackrabbit routine I ’d have been in five easy musical composition by now . I had to even the betting odds , fast . Already I saw One - Eye tightening up his guard . He had n’t carry me to be able to label him . He was n’t going to make the same mistake twice . I ’d just have to find another mistake for him to make .
He come at me , more conservative this clock time , like a cad backstop edging up on a rabid Chihuahua . The sun was proper over his head , stabbing me in the eye . A leaf blade came out of the spotlight and nearly shear off my right arm . I jumped left , hardly in clock time , but descend away with an idea . Crazy , but — I started encircle him until the sunlight was on my neck , then backed up into a corner , play scared . One - Eye took the lure . He came after me . My back touch the R-2 . One of the brand - posts was at my correct shoulder . If this did n’t ferment I ’d just trapped myself . One - Eye would be tearing chunks off of a Jane kebab in an time of day .
I jump . Most of my saltation so far had been long and low , attempt to keep plenty of distance between me an ol’ One - Eye . Now I hopped directly up and kicked off the steel mail service , pushing for as much height as I could . One - Eye was a good twelve feet tall on his hind legs . At the top of the saltation my toes hung over him by about three metrical unit . He attend up , following me , correctly into the sunshine , and shrink , blinded .
Even then , if I ’d hail straight down I would have been dead substance . One- Eye was like Andre Aggassi waiting for the nut to degenerate so he could ace another serve . He did n’t want to see me to know where I was . But what if I was somewhere else ? While One - Eye was still blinded , I get around my sword , not down , where his heavy steel was wait to blockade , but straight out , hard as I could , letting the weighting jerk me sideway in the melody , over One - Eye ’s straits .
I slid down his back like a kid on a water slide . One - Eye flailed with his swords nowhere near me . He started to turn . Too late . I brought my sword down like a cleaver and chop through his buttocks like it was a three hundred pound salami .
inadequate One - Eye went from tomcat to Manx in one swell foop . The bunch shrieked . So did One - Eye . He lost his balance and fall , bleeding like Niagara and dropping his two small swords to try out to catch himself .
I did n’t countenance him . I leap on his back , drive my sword through his rib and trap him to the undercoat .
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